Can Sex Toys Save Your Marriage?

It’s an interesting question I know, to which most may have already made up their minds and come up with an immediate answer of no but before you shut the door on this one let me go on.

With a divorce rate in England and Wales in upwards of 150,000 per year (which is more than half the rate of marriages no less) and shows no sign of dramatic reduction is it possible that we are not prescribing the right ‘medicine’?

We all know that marriage should be a union of love, friendship and intimacy; particularly a healthy sex life but it seems that the lack of the latter can often be the major contributor when it comes to marriage breakdown. So with all the information at our fingertips and the ever increasing statistics staring us in the face why is that our sex lives are being paid less and less attention?

One reason has to do with our complete lack of ability to communicate about anything that is remotely taboo and it is this exact loss of communication skills and the ignorant yet hopeful attitude that ‘things will sort themselves’ which can ear mark a marriage for probable separation within 12 months.

Our hectic lifestyles aren’t helping either. Sex is way down on the list of things to do, sadly being replaced by the longer hours at work, the school run, the shopping and the house work. Put frankly many don’t have time for sex anymore and there must be an increase in the popularity of the use of the phrase ‘I’m too tired’ - I’d like to see those statistics!

Low sex marriages across the board often share the same symptoms; you only have sex a few times a month, sex is a chore, you schedule sex, you don’t fantasize about your partner, there is no sense of adventure and neither of you are frisky anymore. Suffering these symptoms? If so a remedy is needed but it might not be what you are thinking.

So what’s the solution?

Step 1 - Start talking. A fundamental concept that needs to be grasped is that communication is paramount. How can you correct a problem if one half of your relationship doesn’t know that one exists? It has been proven time and time again that couples who communicate well and share activities together often have a much more sexually active relationship.

Step 2 - Make time. Often couples that end up going away for a weekend or manage to escape the children for any substantial periods of time find that they have what can only be described as ‘honeymoon sex’. The reduced workload and subsequent lower stress levels seem to remove inhibition and rekindle the slowly dwindling flame.

Step 3 - Spice it up. If it isn’t new, it’s through. Consider spicing up your bedroom. It’s the quickest and cheapest way to give you both a change of scenery and even a subtle hint like changing the usual light bulb for a shade of rouge can make a huge impact.

Step 4 - Look in the toy box. Many still think of sex toys as being scary looking vibrating gizmos that can only be found in the dodgy back street sex shops found in the nasty side of town - not anymore. Sure you can still find these but when it comes to relationships sometimes it’s better to take a more subtle approach.

When choosing any marital aids choose the ones that will offer the greatest chance of increased intimacy and not just the latest craze. Generally the area of sex that offers amplified intimacy levels is foreplay. Concentrate on this area and get to know your partner all over again. Make it fun with a handful of accessories like the classic blindfold, maybe some fluffy handcuffs and some daring dice that dictate an act to be carried out with every roll.

Keeping your choices to a select few will have the desired effect of keeping the focus on you and your partner and not the new additions. There’s no point having the latest toys that receives all the attention and hoping that your relationship will be ok now, the focus should be on what they can add to your sex life, not be the central part of it.

So, can sex toys save your marriage? On there own, no. However, as part of a larger scheme to pay more attention to your sex lives, maybe they are just what the doctor ordered.

Source: Quality articles on Sexuality - ArticleMuse.com
Author: Jenna Stevenson

Jenna is a tester of adult sex toys at Batteries Not Included. Her reviews on sex toys can be found at www.batteries-not-included.co.uk

Sex As We Get Older

I’m sure you get the ‘heebie jeebies’ thinking about grandma and grandpa knocking boots, right? So do I. How can sweet grandma, who bakes cookies and makes freshly squeezed lemonade, get busy with grandpa? You’ll be surprised.

When we think of senior citizens having sex we automatically think of negative stereotypes: The dirty old geezer or the horny old lady. The issue, however, is that many seniors come to accept these stereotypes as true, and they then risk losing one of the most important parts of their lives and their health.

Whether or not we want to acknowledge it sex after 60 is a MUST for seniors, and they are doing it more than you know or want to admit.

“The reality is that older people are a lot sexier than younger people think. The common notion is that when you are old you don’t — and maybe shouldn’t — have sex. Our studies have shown that older people are sexier in attitude and performance than they have been credited for, ” said Dr. Walter M. Bortz II, author of “We Love Too Short and Die Too Long”.

And if you didn’t believe what he said, check out what this doctor had to say. “You must realize that in the U.S. the biggest use of prostitutes is on the day Social Security checks come out,” concluded Dr. John Morley, director of the division of geriatric medicine at St. Louis University.

“Whippersnappers” versus “Long in the Tooth”
Sex for seniors is not the same thing as sex for young people. The primary concern with seniors is with recreation rather than the possibility of procreation, which allows more room for expanding one’s sensuality — an important aspect of sex when the natural aging process may result in changes in sexual function.

“Sex is good for the seniors,” said Joani Blank, MPH, author of “Still Doing It: Women and Men Over 60 Write About Their Sexuality”. She also said that seniors should continue to have good sex for the same reason they should continue to get good exercise: It’s taking care of themselves.

In addition to physiological changes in one’s body as they get older, many tend to believe the myth that sex equals intercourse. This is not the case. Alternatives to intercourse are NOT just for people who don’t want to get pregnant or get a disease. Many must put aside the idea that if intercourse is not working for you, then you can’t be sexual. Intercourse should not be the goal; it should be the enjoyment and exploration of one’s body. If some sexual activity is uncomfortable or doesn’t work, try something different.

Stalled Sexual Energy – I need a jump!
What can you do if your sexual pilot light has gone out? Can you look for a solution in pill form? Is there some magic elixir one can purchase? The answer may surprise you. It is communication.

“The worst sexual dysfunction in this country is our inability to talk about sex,” Blank said. “To make the leap from not talking to talking is huge. People have to know they are not the only one who is considering being sexual. They need to know that they can do it without any risk to their health, and more importantly, with no risk to their self-esteem. One of the problems with people who are now older is there is even less talk about sex than there was before.”

“The cure for the sexual problems and lack of interest in older people is the same as it is for younger people,” she continued. “Get informed, and find a way to talk about it with somebody, not necessarily a therapist but a friend or somebody.”

Communication can also help overcome another problem that plagues seniors– feeling that nobody will find their older body sexy. If an older person is not sick or debilitated by whatever is getting he or she in their old age, there really is no reason to not think of themselves as attractive to the opposite sex. Self-image is important regardless of age.

Once self-esteem is better, a person can begin to explore his or her newfound sexuality. A good starting point for both men and women is masturbation.

Sex and the Older Woman
Not surprisingly, maintaining sexual function is different for men and women. For men, the concern centers mostly on erections, whereas for women the concern is in opportunity. Older women tend to think that sex lives end once the husbands pass away. This is simply not the case.

If a young woman doesn’t have a man in her life, she goes out and finds one. She is actively looking. This should be the same for older woman. However, there is this paradigm that once their partner has died it is all over for them. It is a nostalgic, romantic image. Regardless of age, physical touching and romance should be with all of us until the last twinkle.

One of the disincentives for women is painful intercourse due to thinning of the vaginal tissues as estrogen levels decline. As a result, it is suggested that older women use lubricants. If condom or sex toys are used, water-based, not silicone is recommended. In addition, older women should also look for low-levels of glycerin in the lubricants to decrease the risk for yeast infections.

Sex and the Older Man
For men as well as for women, sexuality begins with desire. It is commonly referred to as ‘libido’.

A man’s testosterone level decreases as he gets older; therefore, the first step is to measure the testosterone levels in the blood. If a male’s testosterone level is low, therapy is available. One of the reasons that levels could be low may be due to a medical condition called hypogonadism.

The FDA estimates that there are between 4 million to 5 million in the U.S with low testosterone levels, however those numbers increase to 10 million to 15 million when hypogonadism comes into play.

According to a large number of studies, libido will improve in older men when testosterone levels improve. In addition, males tend to lose the ability to remember at a greater rate than females and the single best predictor of poor memory in middle-aged men is low testosterone. Again, it will improve with therapy.

Another issue that men experience is impotency, and the number one drug that causes this is tobacco. People who smoke tend to have smaller blow flow. Impotency has many components with the main one being hydraulics and this is where drugs, such as Viagra, Cialis and others enter the picture. Do note that Viagra or similar drugs may not work if testosterone levels are not corrected.
Like with many prescription drugs, there are side effects when taking any erectile dysfunction medication.

Other sexual functions in men can also be caused by psychological problems such as depression and by a wide variety of diseases. Not the least of these is heart disease, and difficulty in attaining an erection could be an early symptom.

“If you see someone with impotence, the first thing you do is fix all the cardiovascular problems — it is a very important thing to pick up early,” said Morley.

Lastly, sensation, or lack of it, also plays a role in an older man’s sexuality. So how does a man keep his nerves taut and tingly? He either ‘uses it or loses it’. You heard right. There is this phenomenon known as ‘widowers’ syndrome’, where a man can’t get an erection with a new sex partner — until he practices. That is where Viagra could be used as an operational crutch.

It’s Go Time!
In short, there are three things that are vital to maintaining a healthy sex life:

* Stay healthy.
* Avoid medications that reduce sexual function.
* Find and keep a good mate.

One thing to remember is ALWAYS practice safe sex. Believe it or not, many seniors forget this, and unfortunately, sexually transmitted diseases cannot be cured with a shot of penicillin.

In addition, here are a few simple rules to keep in mind:

* Condoms aren’t just for contraception any more. If you’re sleeping with a new partner, use condoms for each sex act. This includes oral sex. It also includes the use of shared sex toys.
* Consider alternatives to intercourse until you and your partner each receive a clean bill of health.
* Remember that a negative HIV test doesn’t mean you aren’t infected. That takes two tests six months apart.

No matter how old we are, we are still sexual beings. Sex is an important component and we should enjoy it at 20, 30, 50, 80 years old. Okay so at 80, we won’t be using the swing, but we can make do with a walker or a wheelchair.

Xoxo,

‘Zoey’ - Onjenoo Resident Sexpert
p: 1.888. I LOVE O (945.6836)
e: onjenoo@mac.com - w: http://blog.onjenoo.com

A Consultants Guide To Gift Giving At Parties

Most likely in this business, you give you hostess a small gift for being kind enough to host a party for you. (Also sparks interest for others to host a party with you too!) AND if you play games at your party you most likely give prizes to the winners of these games.

There are many different gifts and prizes you can give your partygoers. Here are some ideas…

HOSTESS GIFTS- You want to give your hostess something special for hosting a party and to thank her/him for her/his hard work. You have a few different options when it comes to giving her/him a gift. You could give a product that you sell to your hostess. This increases your retail sales but also you are not making commission on buying your own products. If you would like to give the hostess a product that you sell, make it something that you can “upsell” (Upselling is adding on compatible items to the sale…) For example: A silver bullet. This way you can suggest bullet sleeves and toy cleaner for her/him to purchase. Or you could give her/him an item that has been discontinued. Another option (And this is the one I use most often) is to purchase small items that you do not sell. Candles, bath salts, and so on, and combine them with samples of your products. Look at your local Dollar Store and even Target for cute inexpensive little items that make great hostess gifts. Valentines Day is great for finding items! It is a ROMANTIC holiday and fits right in with your business! I found some really cute “love themed” Chinese take out boxes at Michaels for $1.00. I also found mini packs of bath salts there and some candles. (Again, all $1.00) At the Dollar Store I found Bath Bombs in packs of 2. (You can split them up) AND at Target I found heart shaped votive holders with a votive candle in packs of 2, for yes, $1.00! Here is an example of a hostess gift I recently gave: I presented her with a cute Chinese take out box that when she opened it up contained a heart shaped votive holder, bath salts, and 3 samples of some of my fantastic products. Now, if you think about that for a minute you may see a theme there…Seduction or Relaxation. Light the candle, draw a bath, and then try out some new products in the bedroom! It all ties in with romance. The hostess gift cost me $2.80 and she loved it! By doing this, the hostess is getting more than just one item and getting samples of products she/he may not have on their wish list! Be creative!

GAME PRIZES- The prizes you give to game winners may vary based on the game. You want these prizes to be items you sell. When I do my demo I like to ask questions and the person who answers first and is correct, receives a sample pillow of a product. I do this to keep guests paying attention and to reward them for doing so. You do not have to do this, but it is fun to do! For smaller games, give smaller prizes. An example of a smaller prize is a c-ring and a sample of lube. For bigger games (Pass the dong game) you want to give something bigger like a bullet, small vibe, or some product you got a really good deal on. (I have given vibes, bullets, massage lotion, warming oil, and so on)

Remember that the gifts and prizes you give out during your party do not have to be expensive and you can be cost effective! Keep an eye out when you are shopping and you will be amazed at what you find!

Sharon Noland

Sharon Noland-Romance Specialist

History of the Swing Lifestyle

Swinging is the practice of “wife-swapping” for sexual gratification purposes. Some may consider this practice controversial, as it receives scrutiny from many who do not understand the principles of the lifestyle and why people do it. Many look at swinging as infidelity, and a method of retaining promiscuity while being married. Regardless of the opinions circulating about the practice of Swinging, one must know about it before forming their own opinions, so with that, let us look at the history.

Though we can speculate that swinging has been practiced since the dawn of time, (take a look at the history of many countries where men had concubines) the history of swinging in the United States began in the 1950’s. Back then, the only way to meet other swinging couples was through personal ads in the newspapers. In Berkley, California, during the 1960’s, the first Swingers Organization known as the Sexual Freedom League formed to educate and inform the public about the Swinging Lifestyle.

Today, there are many organizations, clubs, and websites for Swingers, or people who wish to learn about the lifestyle. It is becoming a more accepted practice as people learn more about what it is, and find that they enjoy it.

For more information, check out actualswingers.com. Stay tuned for more articles on Swinging, such as the Principles of Swinging, and the even the Benefits of Swinging.

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