Although marriage can be wonderful, it also has a way of bringing out the worst in people. When you’re married to someone for a while, you start letting your hair down. That’s a good thing. However, there’s an old saying: Familiarity breeds contempt. If you’re with someone all the time, you can’t help but get ticked off with each other from time to time. It’s easy to start saying things that we shouldn’t. Here are some examples of things you should probably never say to your spouse:

1. “You never…”
This is a blanket statement that is almost always false. What’s the first thought that’s going to enter your spouse’s mind when you say this? That’s right, your spouse is going to remember all those times when they DID put the dishes away, clean the toilet, make dinner, buy orange juice, or whatever it is you’re accusing them of not doing. Even if you’re right, this is not a productive thing to say. It’s going to put your spouse on the defensive.

2. “You jerk/nag/bastard/bitch!”
I shouldn’t have to explain why insulting your partner like this is completely disrespectful, abusive, and childish. You’re both grownups now (hopefully), and you should be capable of having an argument that doesn’t resort to name-calling. You shouldn’t call your husband or wife names, and you shouldn’t have to put up with it from them.

3. “Just calm down.”
Telling someone to chill or calm down always seems to have the opposite effect. “Calm down?! Who are you to tell me to calm down!” Probably the main reason why most people react negatively to being told to calm down is because it’s a way of saying that their feelings are wrong or irrational. As a rule, most people don’t respond well to this sort of implication.

4. “You look terrible/fat/ridiculous/etc.”
This is especially important for guys to avoid. Most women are sensitive about their looks, and you are going to lose serious brownie points if you tell your wife that she looks fat or that her black nightgown makes her look like a witch. Besides, if she IS fat, I promise you that she already knows; she doesn’t need your confirmation.

That’s only a small sampling of the things you should avoid saying to your spouse. Everyone has their “hot buttons,” so it’s a good idea to pay close attention to how your words affect your partner… and make note of what to avoid saying in the future.

Living in a sexless marriage is never easy. Women who love their husbands want to share a physical relationship with them. When the level of intimacy starts to change in a marriage we often attribute it to the demands of being parents or the stress of our careers. The truth is that there are many factors that contribute to a man losing his desire for his wife. There are also a lot of ways for a wife to help her husband so they can be close in every way again.

When you are living in a sexless marriage, the lack of intimacy can begin to manifest itself in other ways in the relationship. You may become so frustrated with your husband that you begin to pick at the things he does and doesn’t do outside the bedroom. This may feel like a natural reaction, but it can actually worsen the situation and make your husband feel even more distant from you. Women aren’t the only ones who need to feel emotionally connected to someone to want to make love with them. If you’ve been taking your frustrations out on your husband, that needs to stop.

Another issue that is often at play in a situation like this is the husband is feeling an enormous amount of stress. It may be related to work, family issues or the fact that he’s getting older. Reassuring him and offering to help lighten his stress load can really be helpful. If you are living in a sexless marriage and you want that to change you need to become a source of emotional support for your husband. Let him know that you recognize that he’s stressed and offer up ways you can help him. He’ll appreciate it and it will show him that you genuinely care about his well being.

If your husband has packed on a few pounds since your wedding day don’t overlook that as an intimacy issue. Men, just like women, are self conscious about how their bodies look. Your husband may be feeling embarrassed about how his physique has changed. If you believe this may be a contributing factor to your sexless marriage, don’t confront him about it. Instead, suggest the family adopt a new healthier eating plan and schedule some exercise that everyone in the household can participate in. This will help your husband get back into shape and it will also afford you some quality time with him.